What is SM and what do newbies need to know about safety rules and play

Preface

When it comes to SM, many people's first thought is either “Fifty Shades of Grey” or “whips, candles and bondage ropes”, or a bunch of weird adult movie scenes in their head.

But real SM (BDSM) is much more complicated than you think, and it's not something you can just play around with.

Today we're going to talk about what SM really is. There are a few things you need to know before you get into it.

What is SM anyway?

SM is actually an acronym for BDSM (B=Bondage, D=Dominance, S=Sabotage, M=Masochism), which refers to all consensual power play, including but not limited to bondage, conditioning, punishment, role-playing, humiliation, pain, etc.

You can think of it as a kind of adult sex play, but with fancier props and a more subtle psychology.

So why do people like SM, aren't they afraid of pain?

• Physiological stimulation: pain and pleasure can sometimes be combined, according to the 2013 Archives of Sexual Behavior journal statistics, some people's bodies will secrete endorphins and adrenaline when SM, resulting in the senses become more acute, and even feel the pain is also cool.
• Psychological release: many users have said, “I'm honest in the workplace, but in bed I want to be dominated/counter-dominated for once.” In SM, the exchange of power and the reversal of roles can allow people to temporarily disengage from daily stress and experience a sense of release.
• Trust and intimacy: some surveys show that couples who play BDSM for a long time have higher communication and intimacy instead, because SM must have [safe word], trust each other and respect the boundaries, or else something will happen in minutes.

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The easiest pitfalls for newbies to start!

Do you think SM can be started by buying a rope, a candle and shouting “master”? I'm going to tell you a few of the most common mistakes that newbies make, and I'm going to put a blackboard on it:

Did not communicate clearly, directly to start

Many people think that watching adult movies to learn the routine is real SM, the results come up on the hands, not at all and the other party talked about “you can accept what” “can not accept what”, minutes to fall apart.

First talk about the bottom line, minefield, safe words! For example, “banana” = stop immediately, don't wait for people to cry out in pain and still think they are in the theater.

Just care about their own pleasure, ignore the feelings of the other party

Some S want to challenge the limit, the result of the other party is completely unprepared, and even psychological shadow.

Do not understand the use of props

Whips, ropes, handcuffs, sounds cool, but the binding is not right, minutes of strangulation, lack of blood.

Mistake insult as love, play out the psychological damage

Some people like language humiliation, but not everyone can accept, you a “bitch dog”, people may not forget for life, be sure to confirm the other side of the psychological tolerance in advance, some trauma is irreparable.

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SM safety code

SM and ordinary sex is the biggest difference is the risk of high, not alarmist, SM play is not good will really kill people! Therefore, SM must understand these “iron rules” before entering:

A. Four principles: Safe, Sensible, and Consensual (SSC-A)

• Safe: All behavior must be carried out under the premise of ensuring physical health and mental health. For example, using professional props, avoiding suffocation, and timely untie.
• Sane: Both parties must participate in a sober and rational state, do not get drunk, do not be coerced.
• Consensual: All behavior must be consensual, no coercion.
• Adults: Both parties must be of age to proceed as appropriate;

B. Safety words must be agreed upon

The most classic is the red light, yellow light, green light system.

• Green light = continue
• Yellow light = slow down/gently
• Red light = stop immediately

Note: Do not use safety words such as [don't] [stop] as there are some situations where these words are required by the plot and can be easily misunderstood.

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C. Review before and after sex

• Beforehand: communicate every detail, including the parts that cannot be touched, the psychological minefield, and the acceptable intensity.
• Afterwards: aftercare is important, which simply means that there should be soothing, hugging, drinking, and chatting at the end of a SM session to prevent the other person from falling into a low or uneasy mood.

D. Attention to hygiene and emergency measures

• Props should be sterilized, especially for acts involving broken skin.
• Always check circulation when tying up, don't play around.
• Be prepared. Keep some band-aids, scissors, lubricants, etc. at home.

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What are the types of SM?

Not blowing no black, SM's pattern is really more than seasoning, the following briefly give you a generalization of the common types, to see which category you are more suitable for:

• Mild experience school: such as blindfolds, handcuffs, slapping, role-playing, suitable for newcomers to test the waters, not easy to make a big deal.
• Domination/Submission (D/S): not simply “hit” and “be hit”, but the exchange of power, a bit like “boss and employee” role-playing. Role-playing.
• Bondage (B): Also known as Shibari (Japanese Rope Bondage), this is both artistic and safe, but novices should always follow a video or tutorial, and not tie up randomly.
• Pain (S/M): Includes slaps, candles, clamps, etc. Some people find pain to be just plain awesome, others find it totally unacceptable and talk about it ahead of time.
• Humiliation / humiliation: some people like to be humiliated, but others will be left traumatized, be careful.

Friendly reminder: not all SM has to be hard hitting, sometimes a ribbon and a command is enough for you to experience the door to a new world.

A few things to think about before you get into SM

Is this really what you want?

Some people do it to cater to their significant other, some are carried away by the vibe, when in fact they are not interested at all, figure out what you like and don't force it.

Can you accept your own sexual fetish?

Many people feel that they like SM “perverted”, in fact, this is just interest preferences, nothing to be ashamed of, accept yourself, the world will be more tolerant of you.

Can I communicate openly with my partner?

SM is not a person's thing, you must communicate openly with your partner, can not be open and honest, do not be hard.

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Summary

At the end of the day, SM is just an option, not something new that everyone has to try.

But if you're really interested in it, make sure you do your homework, find the right person, and hold the line, so that a moment of curiosity doesn't turn into a lifetime of shadows.

Lastly, I wish you all the best in exploring the boundaries of your own pleasure in a safe, sensible and voluntary way.

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